


all i want

by merlinemrys



Category: Almost Human
Genre: Christmas, Fluff, Holiday Fic Exchange, Holidays, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-25
Updated: 2013-12-25
Packaged: 2018-01-06 03:41:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1101985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/merlinemrys/pseuds/merlinemrys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian moves in with Valerie and holiday shenanigans ensue; John is entirely not amused, until he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	all i want

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crystalpye](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=crystalpye).



> written for [crystalpye](http://crystalpye.tumblr.com) as part of the almost human secret santa exchange; hope you like it! (:

John watched with a faintly twitching eyebrow as Valerie and Dorian sashayed into the precinct, sunglasses on (and really, it was December and Dorian had robot eyes) and Starbucks grasped loosely in hand. He continued watching—half-incredulous, half-mortified—as Dorian swung into the seat besides him, waving goodbye to Valerie with a waggle of his fingers.

"Unbelievable," John muttered, rubbing a hand over his face. He looked up to see Dorian with his shades off, shooting him that aggravating (and attractive, not that he'd ever admit to it) half-smirk.

"Hey, man, it could be worse," Dorian said nonchalantly, taking a sip from his grande salted caramel brulee latte with cinnamon sprinkles and extra whip, and okay, John knew he didn't need to drink, what the hell.

"And how, exactly, could it be worse?" John growled, turning decisively back to his case files. He slurped angrily from his own coffee—a dignified cup of black coffee, no coffee or sugar, dammit.

He could still see Dorian's grin from the corner of his eye.

"Well, you know, I could be rooming with you."

John almost spit the coffee out all over his files. Dorian thumped him on the back, overly forceful, obnoxiously cheerful, and not helpful in the slightest.

//

Dorian moving in with Valerie was not the worst thing that could happen to him, John supposed moodily (but not morosely or malcontentedly, thank you very much) as he glared at the road ahead of him, but it was damn near close.

"You know, I could easily secure you a date with—"

"No," John snapped, taking the next turn a little sharper than he needed to. Dorian didn't seem phased and continued smiling his obnoxiously serene little half-smile.

"I know what Valerie's into, you know. You learn a lot from sleepovers, John. Tall, dark, and handsome, danger-seeking with unexpected emotional depths and an aptitude for terrible jokes—you fit the bill, man," Dorian finished with a self-satisfied grin, staring at John expectantly.

John refused to speak.

"Yeah, well," he finally grumbled, "so do you."

Dorian blinked and turned away, eyes focusing outside the window.

"My jokes are fantastic," he said, but there was a weird catch in his voice that made John cast a quick look his way. The corner of his mouth was still quirked up but it seemed almost wry, a little self-deprecating, and hell, John hadn't even known robots could do self-deprecating.

John expected to spend the rest of the ride to the site of the robbery in stilted silence; Dorian abruptly started blasting Elton John—again—and that prospect flew right out the window.

//

"Hey, John," Valerie called, dropping a cup of steaming coffee on his desk. John swiveled around in his chair to face her, overestimating the power of his kick—damn robot leg—and awkwardly catching himself on the edge of his desk before facing her. Dorian snickered softly, somewhere off to his right. Traitor.

"Stahl! I mean, er, Detective. Detective Valerie. Uh, thank you, is what I mean. Hi."

Valerie smiled at him, a sweet and only slightly judgmental quirk of her pretty lips.

"He still malfunctioning, Dorian?" she asked, and John found his introduction to the conversation unexpected but not unwelcome, at least until he processed what she'd said.

"Hey," he protested weakly.

Dorian shook his solemnly, pale eyes shining but (also pretty) lips firmly pressed together.

"We've tried everything we can, Detective," he intoned gravely, "and I'm afraid that Detective Kennex's disease—Nerditis—is a terminal one."

John felt a headache coming on. One he could stand, but the combined snark of two of his gorgeous coworkers was more than he could deal with before he'd had a gallon of coffee.

"You're the worst. Both of you. The worst," he scowled, glaring at the endless files of paperwork he had on his display. He could feel Dorian exchange a grin with Valerie over his head, and an unfamiliar feeling hit him soft and warm in the gut.

He ignored it with every fiber of his being.

//

"Morning, John," Dorian said cheerfully, dropping a folded card on John's desk as he and Valerie arrived with their newest sugary concoctions. John glowered at it suspiciously before raising his head and glowering at Dorian's Santa hat suspiciously.

"The hell is this?" he asked gruffly, thumbing the card open.

"Valerie and I are hosting a holiday party," Dorian said, sitting down on the counter and swinging his legs back and forth, which, okay, really? Really. Unnecessary, distracting, and stupidly cute in its absurdity. Or something.

"We thought you'd like to be the guest of honor," he continued after a sip from his paper cup. "You know. Cozy up with the host, maybe?"

Dorian waggled his eyebrows, just once, a smug little grin toying at the corner of his mouth. John shot him a glare and turned back to his card, fiercely tamping down on the thought of lounging—nay, cuddling—on the couch with both his hosts.

"We'll see," he grumbled. Valerie poked her head over his cubicle divider on her way to the coffee machine.

"Do you have other plans?" she asked expectantly with a knowing smile. John scowled at her. Scowled at Dorian. Scowled at the card.

"No."

"Then you're coming, Kennex," Valerie replied cheerfully, grabbing a pair of reindeer antlers out of nowhere and planting them on his head before sauntering away. His frown deepened.

"Your face will stick like that if you're not careful," Dorian singsonged, and John grumpily turned his scowl—which was not permanent, okay—back to the blissful silence of his files.

//

The holiday party, officially declared the Snow Ball for the sake of Dorian's unhealthy love for horrible puns, was a lot less unbearable than John had expected. Valerie had good taste and her apartment looked like the inside of a snow globe, covered in fairy lights and bright sparkles that somehow managed to be both classy and cute. The food was good and the company was fantastic with Paul at home sick, and even though Dorian's taste in music still left something to be desired, John found himself enjoying himself as he sat on the couch by the holoscreen, hands cupped around a mug of spiked cocoa and mouth quirked in a slight grin. Sandra had let down her hair at some point—quite literally, actually—and was dancing back and forth with Valerie, both of them a little unsteady on their feet and giggling all the while.

John's attempt to clear Valerie out of snowmen shortbread cookies was rudely interrupted when Dorian dropped down on the couch beside him, a dash of glitter somehow having found its way onto his cheek and a grin brighter than all the Christmas lights combined spread across his face.

"You enjoying yourself?" he asked, head tilted slightly to the side. The blue and white lights of Valerie's (and Dorian's, John silently amended) living room cast his face into soft shadows, and his blue eyes shone even brighter..

John grunted, but even he had to admit it was an agreeable grunt. He kept his eyes trained on Charlie Brown and his friends, the old cartoon strangely out of place on the shimmering holoscreen. He suddenly felt a warm hand gripping around his wrist and by the time he'd turned to look at Dorian in mild surprise, his mug was already on the table and Dorian was pulling him to his feet.

"We should dance," Dorian grinned, smug and self-assured, but there was something so warm and genuine and shy about the way his hands clasped around John's that John found himself melting and putting up only the most perfunctory of protests as Dorian dragged him to the middle of the room.

"You better watch out, better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why," Dorian belted out, off-tune and completely unashamed with his fingers intertwined with John's. John caught Valerie's eye over Dorian's shoulder and found her leaning against the wall, oversized Christmas sweater hanging off her frame in a way that made her look soft and gentle and almost painfilly huggable. She watching them fondly, her hair mussed and eyes amused. John rolled his own eyes at her raised eyebrows and shrugged in a "what can you do" kind of way.

Dorian paused in his horrific excuse for singing to follow John's sightline, face lighting up when he saw Valerie. Something passed between them, and before John could process anything, he found his face buried in Dorian's impossibly soft hair. John felt his heartbeat jump and knew that Dorian could hear it too, with his cheek pressed to the curve of John's neck.

John cast desperately around for Valerie, completely at a loss as to what to do with an armful of warm and nice-smelling robot, but found her slipping out of the room to show Rudy out. Traitor.

At some point, Dorian's soundtrack switched from a godawful remix of Let It Snow to Silver Bells, and John found himself slowing his steps and swaying with Dorian against his better judgement. They were the only ones left now, Valerie still out in the hall and the rest of the partygoers already cleared out.

"Hey guys, can you come here for a sec?" Valerie's voice called out, and Dorian abruptly broke away from John with a slightly panicked look in his eyes and a flush to his face and huh, would you look at that, robots did blush.

He blinked at John, blue eyes somehow even clearer in the dim light of the living room.

"We should, um," he mumbled, eyes flickering away and body already jerkily turning towards the hallway, "we should go. To Valerie, I mean."

John didn't know what to do in light of these recent developments, and just followed Dorian blindly.

"Ha!" Valerie crowed triumphantly as soon as they exited the room. John blinked in the bright light of the hallway. Dorian did not.

"Mistletoe!" she called out with a lecherous grin, and John looked up with a creeping sense of dread and yep, there it was, the damned little shrub in all its horrific glory.

Valerie was still smirking at them, but there was nothing malicious about it; it seemed inviting, almost, as if she was letting both of them in on an inside joke.

"Oh—um—I should—" Dorian said, and John watched incredulously as the normally eloquent android was reduced to a stuttering bundle of nerves. Wires. Whatever.

John turned towards Valerie, brain still foggy. She sent him a look, and all of it finally goddamn clicked.

He grabbed Dorian's chin and hauled him in for a kiss that was more energy than finesse; Dorian didn't seem to mind at all, once he got past the initial shock. Goddamn robot. Gorgeous and a hell of a kisser. Probably had a universe of kissing tutorials already stored in that brain of his, the cheat.

Dorian's tongue ran over the bottom of John's teeth and John pulled away with a muffled groan. Valerie was still watching them, smile coy and satisfied.

"Get over here," John grumbled at her, hooking her by her belt loops and reeling her in. Dorian still looked a little dazed, lights on the side of face working frantically.

"I'm not sure if I understand—" he began, the rest of his sentence cut off as Valerie covered his lips with her own, and damn was that a good way to shut him up, John would have to try it for himself sometime.

By the time she pulled away, John's testicles were feeling fuller tham ever and he was grateful for the loose jeans he'd chosen to wear. Dorian's face was still a little hazy—actually, even more hazy—but Valerie was still sharp and clear, smile almost dangerous in its implications.

"I like both of you. You like both of us. John likes both of us, too, even if he'd rather eat a live slug than admit it."

John made a muffled noise of outrage.

Dorian tilted his head as he processed this, smile slowly returning to his face.

"I find this arrangement very appealing, Detective Stahl," he grinned.

She cocked an eyebrow at his choice of address and nodded.

"Glad to hear it," she said, and dragged both of them by the collars of their shirts towards her bedroom.

"Best Snow Ball ever," Dorian mumbled to himself on the way there, and it barely took a glance between them for John and Valerie to burst into laughter.

 

**Author's Note:**

> merry christmas & happy holidays!


End file.
